I’ve just finished reading The Book of Names, a suspense thriller that infuses historical and religious influences as its main core, in just one day on Wednesday. At 320 pages only, the feat is doable, plus, with a tight, fast paced plot that’s fairly gripping, I was unable to resist putting the book down to go to sleep until I’ve finished the book.

The book is a collaboration between Jill Gregory and Karen Tintori, who are long-time friends and have also collaborated in other books under the pseudonym “Jillian Karr.” Gregory is fairly well-known for her well-researched historical novels set in the Old West such as Cold Night, Warm Stranger and Never Love a Cowboy while Tintori has written two non-fiction books, the latest of which is a biography on one her ancestors called Unto the Daughters. Now, I must say that I’ve not read any of Gregory’s or Tintori’s works before this, so I’ve no idea what they are like as solo authors but I must say that I quite enjoyed The Book of Names.

The book deals with the ancient Jewish mysticism of Kabbalah and Jewish tradition of the Lamed-Vovniks. According to Jewish legend, the world is in existence because of the Lamed-Vovniks, 36 righteous souls that must exist in every generation or the world will end. The names of these righteous souls are encoded in the Book of Names written by the First Man, Adam, that has now fallen in the hands of evil.

Throughout the ages, a mysterious sect of religious killers called the Gnoseous have systematically began to hunt down these righteous souls and kill them to bring about the end of the world and renewal of humankind, in their terms. Having killed 33 so far, they are closer than ever to achieving their aims, but are not aware of that they’ll face unlikely opposition.

Standing in their way is Georgetown University resident political scientist, Professor David Shepherd, who has suffered visions of mysterious names ever since he had a near death experience in his childhood. Seeking the help of his Catholic priest friend who referred him to a Jewish rabbi in Brooklyn, NY, he discovers that he holds the key to the survival of the world. Struggling between believing and disbelieving, the fight becomes personal for him when his ex-stepdaughter, whom he’ve gotten along so well, is discovered to be one of the three last surviving Lamed-Vovniks. Aided by a sultry Israeli artefacts expert, they must now race against time to stop the Gnoseous from bringing about the end of the world and rescuing his daughter from clutches of the evil sect and their Dark Angels (Gnostic assassins).

As I mentioned, this was a fast paced read, and the authors did well to blend in religion, history and fantasy into the story for a tense and suspenseful thriller. However, to call it one of the best is to give this book too much credit as it is not without its flaws, among which is their inability to decide on the correct spelling of “Kabbalah,” which was either spelled with a double ‘b’ or a double ‘l’ whenever it surfaced.

The story is also riddled with clichés (escaping via fire escape, typically incompetent or non-existent authorities despite all the carnage described in the book, the reluctant hero, evil religious organisation), poor characterisation (rather than characters drive the plot, the characters seemed to be there as dictated by the plot) and features lots of unlikely circumstances that defies logic (an enormous underground labyrinth under London escaping the notice of geologists??). One could not help but wonder if with a little bit more tinkering to some of the characters and adding more depth to the story would this turn out to be a better read than the plodding book that is the Da Vinci Code.

Yes, it’s fairly easier to read than Dan Brown’s debut novel, and one also could not help but draw parallels between the two. Both dealing against religious sects, both have a professor and a beautiful foreign female sidekick, both also have a character that intends to help the protagonist but ended up dead in the end and both also deals with religious myths. Which one is better, I would not say, but I did rather enjoy The Book of Names more.

Now, let me just cast the Shield Charm around me to avoid flaming arrows and countless bricks from Dan Brown fanatics. Protego!

As such, I’ll be in “literary hibernation” for the next 24 to 48 hours as I devour the 607 pages of the book. Do not disturb me with your phone calls. Please do not be anxious if I did not return calls or reply SMS’es. I am alive and well. However, if you do not hear from me for several days, please do know that I’ll either be drowning in my sorrows that no more Harry Potter books will be written and will probably re-read the final book again. ^_^

I love the story of the books, but I do agree with a lot of the critics on the Net that JK Rowling isn’t really that great of a writer, but I respect the fact that she had come up with such a wildly imaginative, creative and original idea and turned it into a worldwide phenomenon and rekindled the interest in reading in the young once again. For that, I salute you, Dame Rowling! (Even if you’re not knighted yet, you totally deserve the dame title!)

So, anyways, here’s to hoping that I am not let down by the book and that it provides sufficient closure to the life of Harry Potter whom many of us had followed for a decade or so. Look out for my review after I finish reading it!

On this dreary night
Slumber has left my side
My soul yearns to rest right
Yet in this life I still abide

And on this dreary night
I cry out in surrender, in fright
Try as I might
I think I am losing all fight

To be free from the shackles of life
Oh, how I long to take flight
To flee my tumultuous hive
On this dreary night…

- by Philipp C.K. Gan, 19 July 2007, 3.24am.

I’ve always ask myself several questions whenever I write – “Who am I writing for?” “Who does bother to read anything I write?”

And whenever I try to write something that I want someone to read, what the masses want to read… it does affect my writing and I always wonder whether I am writing for the right reasons. Whether I’m a good enough writer.

This insecurity plagued me for quite sometime. It wasn’t until I met several people like Ian, Sharon, Ted, Lydia, Yvonne Foong and Xeus that made me understand what the world of writing is all about. I can safely say that these four are my pillars of inspiration for writing, remembering the things they have said and wrote about in their own respective blogs has continued to drive me on.

I love writing, it’s my passion as much as books, movies and anime are. But I learnt to realise that if I compel myself to write something I want people to read, my writing comes out false…like I’m pretending to be someone I’m not.

In the last couple of years since I started writing professionally and began seriously writing as a career, I have learnt to fuck it all and just write because I LOVE writing. Who cares if no one reads them? As long as I’m writing with passion, with honesty and conviction, that’s all that matters to me now. I’ve been told before that writing with these feelings won’t make me a successful fiction writer. There may be some truth in that, but I refuse to believe I can’t succeed one day as a fiction novelist.

It’s all a matter of the heart. When your heart is in the right place and when you’re writing for right reasons…the words would just flow…and the passion and fire you have for writing will be the driving force.

Do I make any sense? Hahaha…I ramble on a lot sometimes, couldn’t organise my thoughts when writing spontaneously, something that I still need a lot of work on besides my tenses!

Nevertheless, I’m not going to mope around about the circumstances around me as well as my shortcomings to deprive me of my passion for writing! No way!

And I, for one, don’t give a fuck about the ISA, I have absolutely zero respect for that archaic law, no matter how well it had served us during the Emergency times. Times change, people change, mentality changes…sooooo damn angry that the present govt is too blind and too stubborn to understand. A bunch of neanderthals running this country (Except Pak Lah, of course)!

Fame, glamour, wealth, recognition… it’s all secondary. Passion, determination and dedication… that’s what it takes to be a great writer! Now I understand… and now, I’m going to give my all to write as much and as well as possible.

Wish me the best!

So, yeah, since on the job front is a bit quiet, I decided to take up some office time to work on my essay for entry to the 2007 Commonwealth Short Story Competition. Details of said competition is as follows:

2007 Commonwealth Short Story Competition

1st Prize: £2,000

Entries are now invited for the 2007 Commonwealth Short Story Competition. There is no entry fee or form. Only the winners will be notified and entries will not be acknowledged or returned.

The deadline for receipt of entries is 1 May 2007. Aims

The Commonwealth Short Story Competition aims to increase understanding and appreciation of and between Commonwealth cultures, to showcase the rich diversity of the Commonwealth and to support rising literary talents.

Objectives

The objectives of the competition are as follows:

• To recognise new writers and give them increased confidence to pursue writing as a career.
• To make more widely known the work of rising literary talents.
• To encourage people to write about their lives, their societies and the things that matter to them.
• To highlight a diversity of cultures, voices and viewpoints through radio broadcast.

Rules and Regulations

All Commonwealth citizens are eligible to participate in the Competition. There is no age limit and entries can come from either amateur or professional writers.

• All entries must clearly state the country of citizenship and residence.
• The stories may have any theme or subject, but should not exceed 600 words (which should be 4’30″ when read aloud).
• The stories must be original and should not have been previously published anywhere in full or part. Entrants should confirm this in writing.
• All entries must be in English.
• Maximum of three entries per person.
• Entries should be type-written or word processed on A4 paper, double spaced, and include the word count.
• Handwritten entries will not be accepted. story@cba.org.uk

PLEASE NOTE THERE IS NO ENTRY FORM FOR THIS COMPETITION

I’m about a quarter through the 600 word limit, a sudden burst of inspiration got me writing about 150 in one sitting. It sounded a wee bit juvenile to me though. May have to work it through some more. Hope to finish it by next week. Wish me luck!

The book which I had just finished reading was Honk If You’re Malaysian, a collection of witty, biting stories about what it’s like to be Malaysian. It’s the perfect handbook for foreigners looking for an insight into what Malaysians are all about before they boldly set foot on our not-so-clean-but-very-sandy shores. No books on Malaysian culture and its people are as honest as they can be than Lydia Teh‘s Honk.

But first and foremost, this book is for all Malaysians… and who knows, maybe some of us might see ourselves reflected in the stories Lydia had wrote from her sharp observations of Malaysian society. Light-hearted with plenty of laugh-out-loud moments, Lydia does not shy away from showing us Malaysians for what we are – the good, the bad and of course, the ugly. But she never pointedly criticise us for any of a behavioural quirks that make us Malaysians unique and that is why I love this book as well as that of her more personal book Life’s Like That. Lydia has shown us that despite everything, it is most important that we’re able to laugh at ourselves and along with others about what it is like in Malaysia. This book should not be seen as a criticism of Malaysian culture, instead, it should be read to enlighten us on the various aspects of Malaysian life so that we can do something about it.

Kudos to Lydia for writing these stories. You’ve written something that not many Malaysians are willing to write about and you’ve done it in a light-hearted way that it does not reprimand us but make us laugh and blush in embarrassment (for those that read the book and said “hey, that sounds like me!”). May we see more of your stories to come and looking forward to your next collection with bated breath!

What’s good about the book:

• Easy to read
• Concise – each stories about 800 to 1000 words or so long.
• Witty, plenty of of laugh-out-loud moments
• Her observations are spot on – especially in the stories she wrote about spitting, begging and the Malaysian appetite.
• Great book to relief stress and tension – laugh it all out and away.
• I could relate to many of her stories – hunting lizards were my favourite childhood past time too and I so so so love pineapple tarts!

What’s not so good about the book:

• Some stories make me wish I had written them because I had experienced/encountered such situations as well.
• The book is not something you’ll read to increase your brain power.

Dear Kenny, hope you don’t mind me using your pic of the “Honk” book cover…

My first book review of 2007 happened to be the first book I’ve completed reading in my “30 Books to Read by the end of 2007″.

The title of the book is This Present Darkness and is written by acclaimed Christian fiction author Frank E. Peretti. As such, this book is a dark, supernatural thriller about the battle for humanity between the angelic forces of Heaven and the demonic forces of Hell set in the small, fictional American town of Ashton.   

What’s good about the book:

1. Excellent story-telling, builds up tension (the tension is really palpable) and keeps one on the edge of one’s seat.
2. Offers a glimpse into the realm of angels and demons like how Christians believe and the power of prayer.
3. Characters were well-crafted, even minor characters played a part in the build up to the story.
4. The author managed to weave a complex plot with a lot of inter-connecting subplots without causing too much confusion to readers.
5. Teaches Christians to be wary always of any strange/false teachings and be alert constantly.
6. Brilliant descriptions of the action and warfare between the angels and demons.

What’s bad about the book:

1. The editor did not do his/her job very well – a lot of glaring spelling or typo mistakes.
2.  At times, the book feels like its preaching to the reader, but then again, one of the protagonist is a church pastor whose job was to preach.
3. Some parts were a chore to read, especially the descriptions and explanations of New Age philosophy such as the oneness of the mind, the concept of the universe living in humans and humans are the universe, thereby making us divine, universal creatures. See what I mean? It’s enough to give one a migraine…
4. Some characters did not really engage or fascinate or interest me, not because characterisation sucks but mostly because I’ve never met any characters like them before so I wouldn’t know really how one should react when faced with a similar situation as decsribed in the book.

Summary:

As I mentioned, This Present Darkness is not a book for the masses but more specifically targeted at Christian readers. Of course, one who is interested in the Christian perspective of spiritual warfare or just looking for a heart-pounding thriller, This Present Darkness certainly would not disappoint. This novel is most likely the most popular of all of Peretti’s books and proves why he’s regarded as the Stephen King of Christian fiction. His other works are also along the same lines as this book – broken/flawed Christian finds it within himself and in God to overcome a menacing, mostly unseen, great evil that threatens to consume the world in darkness but from different perspective – twice Peretti dealt with the issue of abortion, the issue of false prophets proclaiming to be the next Messiah and the dangers of cloning and the absurd theory of evolution.

It’s the second time I’ve read this book, the first I had skimmed over pretty quick and had not really been interested in it. Now that I’ve read it in more detail, I find myself enjoying the book despite its subject matter. What made it interesting for me were the portrayals and descriptions of the angels and demons, especially the angels – powerful spiritual beings but are weak beings without the power of prayer from the saints of God. They never pick a fight, but rather, they are very intelligent and masterful strategists and are always one step ahead.

Final Words:

It’s not a book that will appeal to everyone but if it does to to you, this book will not disappoint. It delivers the thrills and when reading the parts about demons, don’t be surprised if you suddenly feel a shiver run down your spine and goosebumps popping up on your skin. I guess I do have to say this – this book is a keeper and a must read for every Christian who believes in spiritual wars.

Book Stats:

Total page: 508 pages

Price: RM33.90      Availability: I got my copy at Borders Bookstore at Berjaya Times Square KL.

Estimated time it took for me to finish reading the book – About 6 to 7 days (January 1 to January 7). 

As such, he has motivated me to achieve the same for next year – so I have set a list of hopes and goals for 2007.

1. Set the target of planning and writing 6 short stories.

2. Developing a story frame work for my novel and seriously finish writing the first and second chapters of it.

3. Complete the 30 Books to read challenge – 2 to 3 books per month

4. Write a simple book review of each of the 30 books that I read this year.

5. Attend or organise writer meet-ups.

6. Write 10 poems and perform at least one in public

7. Attend the short seminars/talks at MPH’s KL Writers Club.  

8. Develop or write a few short plays and submit them to any of the theatre groups.

9. Never stop writing and reading no matter how tired or exhausted I am – either on blogs, in my writer’s pad or exercise books.

The whole year of 2006, I can safely say that I’ve only read about 23 books (not inclusive of manga and graphic novels, since I am actually looking/admiring/ogling at the pictures more than the corny dialogue), half of that number were James Lee’s Mr Midnight series of children’s horror/thriller/fantasy storybooks which I got free from interviewing him.

I have also read two of Neil Gaiman‘s books – Neverwhere and American Gods, both of which moved me very much, made me ponder hard about certain questions about life and simply affected me. His books has certainly influenced the style of my writing as well and made me want to attempt my own brand of fantasy storytelling.

Gaiman is certainly one of my current top five biggest modern-day literary idols whom I admire and considered as my writing influence. The rest includes J.K. Rowling who needs no introduction, Frank Peretti – the master storyteller of supernatural Christian fiction, Anthony Horowitz – the hardworking British author of the Alex Rider series and Stephen King, the horror fiction maestro.

However, I realise there’s a great need for me to read more extensively beyond my favoured genres (fantasy, supernatural, children & young adult) if I ever want to be a better writer than I am good now. As Samuel Johnson, one of England’s greatest literary figures, says:

“The greatest part of a writer’s time is spent in reading, in order to write; a man will turn over half a library to make one book.”

I will certainly take Johnson’s words to heart and start, on 2007 onwards, to read as much as I could. I have decided to set a target of a minimum of 30 books to finish reading by the end of the year 2007. I don’t think that this is a lofty taget, this is pretty much achievable and considering that I am avid reader, it shouldn’t be a problem for me.

This list of 30 books was pretty much inspired by the challenge which I read over at Bibliobibuli. The challenge was originally put forth by MizB of the Literary Cache blog and the number of books was supposed to be 12 for the year 2007, one book per month. I decided to personally up the ante by setting my personal target of 30.

The list that I have put forth below may be subject to change, though I would most likely try my best to refrain from doing so. I have thought over the books that I want to read carefully and had did a quick research on each of them on Amazon.com.

Some of the books on the list have attracted my attention for quite a bit but I had not worked up the courage to pick up any of them because the genre was not my cup of tea. This would be the chic-lit and romance novels, genres which I normally would do anything to get far away from. However, for the purposes of self-enrichment and self-exploration, I’ll give two books from this genre a try. I resolve to also read about two books or more per genre, including my favourite genres. Without much further ado, I present to you my list of 30 books to be read by 31st December 2007, 11:59pm :-

1. Fragile Things by Neil Gaiman (an Antholgy of Fantasy Short Stories)
2. His Majesty’s Dragon by Naomi Novik (Fantasy) READ
3. Confessions of an Old Boy: The Dato’ Hamid Adventures by Kam Raslan (Novel/Satire) READ
4. The Secret Agent by Joseph Conrad (Classic Action)
5. Lucas by (Young Adult/Children’s Fiction)
6. The Book of Names by Jill Gregory & Karen Tintori (Suspense Thriller/Historical Religious Fiction) READ
7. Speak of the Devil by Richard Hawke (Crime Thriller Fiction)
8. If You Could See Me Now Cecelia Ahern (Novel)
9. Paddy Clarke Ha Ha Ha by Roddy Doyle (Novel)
10. Ender’s Game by Orson Scott Card (Sci-Fi Novel)
11. Speaker for the Dead by Orson Scott Card (Sci-Fi Novel)
12. Stardust by Neil Gaiman (Fantasy Novel)
13. Lord of the Flies by William Golding (Allegorical Novel)
14. A Prayer for Owen Meany by John Irving (Novel)
15. Mansfield Park by Jane Austen (Romance Novel, Classic)
16. This Present Darkness by Frank Peretti (Christian Fiction) READ
17. Giovanni’s Room by James Baldwin (Classic Fiction)
18. State of Fear by Michael Crichton (Sci-Fi Techno Thriller)
19. Millions by Frank Cottrell Boyce (Dramatic Novel)
20. Eragon by Christopher Paolini (Young Adult/Children’s Fantasy Adventure Novel)
21. Bridget Jones’s Diary by Helen Fielding (Comedy Fiction)
22. Castaways of the Flying Dutchman by Brian Jacques (Young Adult Historical Fiction with supernatural elements) READ
23. The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini (Novel)
24. Angela’s Ashes by Frank McCourt (Memoir)
25. Good Omens by Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett (Comedy/Fantasy)
26. In the Country of Men by Hisham Matar (Literary Fiction)
27. Honk if You’re Malaysian by Lydia Teh (Local Interest – a collection of stories on Malaysian life) READ
28. Needful Things by Stephen King (Horror Fiction)
29. Come to Me - a collection of love stories by Amy Bloom (Fiction Anthology)
30. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows by J.K. Rowling (Young Adult Fantasy Adventure Novel) READ

Jason came back from work late that night. Exhausted, he could not bring himself to feel any of the yuletide cheer that one normally associates with Christmas.

He had been held back by his employer, the ratty-looking employer who had wanted him to look into some suspicious entries on one of the accounts. A few phone calls here and there and after cross-checking thrice with another two colleagues who were already on their plane flight with their families to some far-off place for a vacation finally revealed that said “suspicious account” was nothing more than a miscalculated amount. And thus, the said account had to be re-done all over again, which took Jason a whole two hours to complete.

By the time he arrived home, he was weary, his vision blurred with numbers, and his thoughts full of unutterable curses. They were directed at his colleague, whom he thought to have such poor mathematical sense that it’s a wonder his colleague had managed to become an accountant.

After hanging up his jacket in the closet, he surveyed his little studio apartment located in one of the busiest streets in
Kuala Lumpur. He could hear the din in the streets below from the inside of his apartment, something which he had tried in futility to block out ever since moving here at the beginning of the year.

 But strangely tonight, the din outside had only made the silence within his apartment all the more deafening. He couldn’t have felt more alone right now in his own very home. With a heavy sigh, he set about putting his things in the living room in order – rearranging the cushion on the couches neatly, stacking up the magazines and newspapers that were strewn about on the floor, putting the TV & ASTRO remote controls back in the drawer and taking out the trash and dumping them down the garbage chute.

When he returned, he smiled to himself in a satisfied way and thought that the place looked at least habitable rather than some smelly bear’s den. He went into the kitchen to make himself a cup of hot Milo but realised he had ran out of hot water. He just dumped the contents of one Milo sachet into a cup, filled it with tap water and nuked it in the microwave.

Within a minute, Jason was standing at his balcony outside, looking down at the streetlife of Kuala Lumpur’s famed Bintang Street. Sipping his Milo slowly, he watched and listened in silence at the cornucopia of lights and sounds that seemed to envelope his entire being with an array of emotions. He was soon hopelessly depressed and was plunging deeper into the depths of his own dark world.

He had half a mind to fling himself off the balcony down twelve floors below. It would be a grand way to go, he’d figured. Better than dying alone in an empty apartment with no one bothering to know what had happened to him.

Somewhere down below, from one of the big shopping malls, he could hear strains of “You better not cry…you better not shout…`cause Santa Claus is coming to town!” from the evergreen Christmas song ‘Santa Claus is Coming to Town’. He scoffed at the song. Santa Claus indeed!

Without knowing what happened, Jason soon found himself sobbing profusely, the tears kept flowing thick and fast. He dropped his half-finished cup of Milo, the cup smashed to pieces and the contents splashed all over the floor and Jason slumped onto the floor leaning against the metal bars of his balcony.

“What’s going on? I just don’t understand! This isn’t the life I had wanted…this wasn’t what I had in mind! I’m just so lost…aimless…I’m just so tired…” Jason sobbed to the world – to the people deaf to his cries of anguish and hopelessness below, to the people who has friends, who have the money to splurge, who seems to be enjoying life while he, Jason, was bawling his eyes and nose out.

“Everyday is just so routine…Wake up, work, work, work, eat and sleep…so tired of it…how can anyone live like this? How can I go on like this?” Jason continued in his rants to the world.

“THEN, STOP WALLOWING IN YOUR SELF-PITY AND CHANGE!” a chirpy high-pitched voice shouted loudly behind him, causing him to jerk in fright and he turned his head slowly to see who had shouted behind him.

A strong breeze appeared from nowhere all of a sudden, sending cold shivers down Jason’s spine. The breeze got stronger and it was forming a mini-tornado right in his own living room! A bright glow emanated from the core of the windstorm, growing brighter and taller, filling the entire apartment in bright white light.

With a loud sparking sound, a magnificent figure in white appeared on the table facing Jason who was still slumped outside the balcony, staring right at the white figure with a mixture of astonishment and fear.

“You’re Jason, my good fellow, aren’t ya? Well, pleased to meet you too,” the white figure said brightly as he stepped down from the table and approached Jason in small graceful steps.

“Wh-who are you? Wh-wh-what are-are you…?” Jason stuttered, wiping his eyes in disbelief, his jaw hung opened in shock.

“What are you? Blind? What’s all in white and appears out of nowhere from a ball of light?” the white figure chortled.

“Um…uh…a gh-ghost?” stammered Jason.

“A ghost! A GHOST? Well, I never! You need to get that head of yours checked, boy! A ghost indeed! Everyone knows there’s no such thing as ghosts!” howled the stranger clothed in white who puffed out his chest in indignation.

“Uh…uh…sorry…but it isn’t like I have visitors from outta space visit me everyday…” muttered Jason defensively.

“Outta space! Darn it, boy…” groaned the white figure, who now reached down and offered Jason his hand, which he took hesitantly “It’s bad enough that I got a crummy, self-pitying no-hoper like yourself for my next task, I got one who doesn’t even know an angel when he sees one right in front of him!”

“An…angel??” Jason breathed out the word in surprise and disbelief.

“Yes, an angel. I am what you call an angel and not a word out of you about the wings…” the angel warned Jason just when Jason was going to ask about the angel’s wings.

“Uh..ok…sorry…well, um…what’s an angel doing in my apartment? Don’t you guys…like…got better things to do…like help people rather than wasting your time on folks like me?” Jason enquired.

“There you go again…part of your problem is the fact that you’ve got low self-esteem and a severe lack of confidence,” the angel said pointedly.

“You’re not very nice for an angel…” Jason squeaked quietly.

“Oh yeah? Well, let me see you try handling human beings like your sort for centuries and still try to be nice!” the angel said in a huff.

“Um…okay…so what are you supposed to do to help me?” Jason asked, feeling a little stupid but still hoping for a miracle. The angel read his thoughts.

“Right, miracles, signs and wonders…that’s what everybody wants out of me and Him nowadays. There’s no easy way out of your troubles, Jason. Me and Him…we just can’t hand out miracles, signs and wonders like they’re kiddy candy bars. The Big Boss just don’t work like that. You want your miracle? You want to see some signs and wonders? You, no matter what your troubles are, gotta earn it like everybody else,” the angel explained.

Jason nodded, his head low, feeling ashamed that he had been so foolish to think that there could ever be an easy way out from his current rut.

“Then, what are you going to do…uh…you got a name?”

“Oh, where are my manners… Of course I got a name. I’m Angel Sander, the One Thousand Seven Hundred and Eighty Sixth Angel from the Human Assistance Regiment… H-A-R for short…at your service,” Sander bowed deeply.

“Ok, Sander…um…I don’t even know what I want in life anymore. I’m just tired of living…”Jason sighed as he plonked down on the nearest couch.

“We all know the confusion and the desperation and the defeat that’s wrecking your soul and spirit, Jason. We’ve heard it almost everyday since the day you moved in here. I’ve been assigned to watch you since that day and I’ve only been given permission to make contact with you now when you’re at an all-time low,” said the angel in a much kinder, less biting sort of way.

When Jason didn’t say anything except but to look down on his toes, Sander continued, “Any change that you want happen have to start from your own initiative. The Big Boss and us angels can only guide you and lend you our strength.”

“So you mean that I have to have the courage to change?” asked Jason.

“Yes. Only you can, Jason. The Father is all seeing and all knowing but alas, He doesn’t control how you lead your life. He doesn’t make the decision on how you lead our life. You choose your own way. And everything that you’ve chosen has led you to this day,” said the Sander. 

“I don’t know if I could. I want to…but I’m nothing special, Sander. I’ve never been good with people personally. Besides work, there’s nothing much else…I could never be like those people down there in the streets partying and enjoying their lives,” mumbled Jason.

“Jason, no one wants you to be like those people. You’re your own special person. Each and everyone was made in their special way. No man is the same, not even twins or triplets or how many ‘…lets’ The Big Guy decides to give, none of them would be entirely the same.”

“I don’t know, I don’t know anything anymore…” said Jason forlornly.

“All right, get up Jason. You and me, we’re going a little trip down memory lane,” said Sander as he grabbed Jason’s hand and pulled him off the couch.

Before Jason had any chance to react, he felt as though the pit of his stomach was being sucked into a void of some sort. The slow twirling ceiling fan was the last thing he saw before he blacked out.

End of Part One